Love
Love. Seems like such an easy verb. Yet, as a divorcee who is now married, it has been difficult. Whether it was an ex spouse, a friend who betrayed you, the “other” woman, family, the list can go on. I am not talking about that love where you want to spend eternity with that person. The kind of love I am referring to is the one where we try and attempt to understand them and treat them as Jesus would.
It’s hard. This is something I pray about on a daily basis. Loving those who have hurt me is my struggle. I don’t have a problem forgiving, I have a problem with letting go of the past. Often, the person who is hard to love repeats cycles. Those recurring cycles make it very difficult for some Christians to forgive. When those behaviors come up again, it brings up the past and reminds us of what we have gone through.
When that person betrays us, lies to us, or hurts us, our first instinct is to hate them. We build this animosity towards them. This clouds our judgment and makes it difficult to love that person. You may have been in a situation where you spoke badly towards them or about them. Perhaps, you didn’t want to speak to them at all. Life would be easier if you had steered clear. However, Luke 6:27-28 says, “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” God instructs us to love our enemies and pray for those who have betrayed us. What he didn’t say was, “Love those who treat you well and love you.” He wants us to love all including enemies.
Agape
This is the love we have in our soul that we give to everyone. When we have agape love, we show empathy. We CHOOSE to love the enemy. This is one of the highest forms of love because it can be the most difficult to do.
Selfish
Selfish. What I call it when we can’t love someone else because they didn’t show us the same love. It’s conditional love. If they give me x, I will give them x. If they don’t give me x, I will not give them x. For example, if my friend doesn’t call me, I won’t call them. Now I know what you may be thinking, “I do not need toxic people in my life. I choose to not have them in my life.” Yes, I agree wholeheartedly that we need to walk away from relationships that do not benefit our lives and are unhealthy. God doesn’t ask us to be friends and have a relationship with everyone. He does command us to love thy neighbor. Not the neighbor with the perfect yard who stays out of our way and brings over baked goods all the time. ALL neighbors.
Guilt
Guilt. Something that you feel when you know you need to love that person, but you aren’t. Don’t beat yourself up over being human and maybe not treating others the way you should. Try to make a conscious effort to start treating that person differently. Change your mindset and attitude. The person isn’t making you feel this way, it is your choice. So get over that guilt you have about how you treated. That guilt, that feeling will not help you to
In those moments where you feel as if hate has taken over your heart, pray. Pray for God to help you love this person and to help change your heart. Pray for the person who disrepected you, who treated you poorly, or who lied to you. This doesn’t mean we need to let them into our lives like a friend and we go about our lives as if it never happened. We have to let go of the guilt and let go of the burden.
Additionally, God said “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” – John 15:12 When I think of how God continues to love us even when we are not lovable, I know I can do and be better. He loves me despite me sinning day after day. I need to do better with loving others despite how they may treat me.
I encourage you to think about those who you find it difficult to love. What can you do within yourself to love them like God loves us? How can you no longer feel guilty for how you treat them and start with a clean slate?
I would recommend taking baby steps to begin to have agape love for someone who has done you wrong. Begin with forgiving them. Do not hold the weight anymore. Pray for them and you every day. Then slowly stop talking about what upsets you about them, stop thinking about those things as well. Having any hate only hurts you, not them. Begin to let God work inside you and through you. You deserve it.
If you are having a hard time loving yourself, please read this article about loving yourself, first!