While the holidays can bring a lot of joy, it can also bring a lot of anxiety, dispair, and even loneliness. Especially if you are newly single, those negative emotions can be strong. As a mom who went 5 Christmases without a significant other, I can attest to those feelings. You try to keep a happy face because your children deserve it, but inside you are breaking.
It is okay to feel that way. You are possibly mourning the idea you had about how it should be or the memories you had when you were married. And for some reason, around the holidays, we yearn for a relationship. We yearn for a person to experience the holidays with. We think it is more magical with a significant other. The vision we have of the holidays includes someone else.
This is where we are our own worst enemies. We make ourselves miserable by thinking it has to be a certain way. During that process and time, we forget the most important people in our lives; our children. We still have them to focus on and to enjoy the holidays with. They didn’t ask for the divorce, so it needs to be the parents who make it just as magical. They, too, are hurting.
Not only did I need to shift my attention to my children, but I needed to shift my attention to the one up above and the reason for the season. I felt alone, but I wasn’t alone. He was with me all the time and never forsaked me. Right after my divorce, I felt lost. I was searching for something within men that I would never be able to find unless I found Him and found my place with Him. I am a child of God and that is where I felt peace.
1. Get Involved
If you are involved in a church or there are community events you can get involved with, do it. Get yourself out of the house when you don’t have your children. This will help you not dwell on the fact you are alone. It gets you out and amongst others and volunteering gives you a sense of purpose, as well. Staying at home, alone, only adds to the pain. Dwelling, worrying, focusing on the past and how it is different than the present, will only make you feel worse.
2. Plan Activities with Your Children
Check out local activities, events, etc that are happening in your town or nearby that you can do with your children. Having those things to look forward to help bring up your spirits. Some of those activities or events can become traditions.
3. Start New Traditions
If the thought of continuing traditions you had when you were married pains you too much, start new ones. There are plenty of traditions you can begin doing with your children. Put twists on the old ones to make them feel new. Here are a list of 27 traditions you can start.
4. Change Your Mindset
As I said, we are our own worst enemies. We put it in our heads that we would be better off during the holidays with someone. It’s as if it would be more exciting with someone to experience the moments with. However, the memories we make with our children is what is important. We cannot get those times back, however, we have a lifetime to find someone who we can begin new memories with. If we continue to
5. Join a Gym
If you aren’t involved in a gym or other fitness facilities, join. When you start to feel lonely, go to the gym and get your increase your endorphines. This will not only help with the loneliness, but it will also help you feel better. Don’t forget the health benefits that come with working out. It’s a win-win situation.
6. Visit Family
Family is where the heart is. Yes, your children bring you joy and love, however, there’s nothing better than spending time with family. Try to spend a little more time with them if time allows and if your bank account allows, if you need travel. Either they will humble you or pick you up. You may need a little butt kickin to remind you that you are strong and you will get through this. They may tell you this is for the better, so get over it. Or they may be there to just pick you up and make you feel better. However, they will know what your heart needs. Pay them a visit.
7. Host a Holiday Party
What’s a better way to forget about your problems, but to host a holiday party. Invite friends, colleagues, family members, or neighbors and party the night away. Fill your home with people especially when you are feeling alone.
8. Start a Hobby
Depending on your custody arrangements, you may have more time on your hands than you did prior to the divorce. You may have wanted to start a hobby, but didn’t have time. Now, you have that time. Start that hobby up. Often times, this helps people get their minds off of those negative thoughts.
9. Have a Girls’ Night Out or In
Get your friends together, get dolled up, and go out on the town or have them over for a girls’ night in. Heck, make it a pajama party, drink some wine, watch movies, and do Secret Santa. You can even have a baking party with your friends or a cookie exchange. Whatever you choose to do or whatever fits best for your group of friends, just make sure you surround yourself with love.
I am not saying that doing any of these things will help cure the holiday blues. These activities can help you get through the holidays. I spent several holidays without a significant holiday. The first few were the worst until I changed how I looked at the holidays. It wasn’t about me, it was about my children. I also needed to change how I viewed my current situation. The season I was in was one where I needed to find me and part of that was going through these tough times alone. I combatted my “loneliness” by staying busy most of the time only giving myself a little time to reflect and think.
May you enjoy the holidays with or without a significant other. Understand that you will get through it. Use this time to find you, to enjoy your children, family, and friends.